Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A pastor joke

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for pastors and reverends in training.

Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the pastors who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

WHAT WILL WE CALL THE CHILD?

Three guys are walking down the beach when they see this
beautiful woman laying naked on the beach.

Well, the first guy goes over to her and starts making love to
her, when she says "What will we name the child?"

The guy freaks and runs away. So the second guy goes over to her
and starts "doing his thing" when she says, "What will we name
the child?"

He freaks out also and runs away.

The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom
and goes to do his thing. When she says what will we name the
child? He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but
he keeps going.

Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the
end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean. He turns to the
girl and says, "If he gets out of that, we'll call him Houdini."

Sperm Bank

A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The
bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem, pal?"

"My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that
pays $40 for a donation."

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my
fingers!"

My Report

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

'Need some help?', a secretary, walking by, asked.

'Yes,' he replied, 'how does this thing work?'

'Simple,' she said, taking the fat report from his hand and
feeding it into the shredder.

'Thanks, but where do the copies come out?'