Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Brilliant ways girls turn guys down

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE:I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!


HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!


HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!


HE: I think I could make you very happy…
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!


HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.


HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

Training Details

Friday, December 26, 2008

SMS for Christmas

If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS. HAPPY CHRISTMAS

May the joy and peace of Christmas be with you all through the Year. Wishing you a season of blessings from heaven above. Happy Christmas

May your world be filled with warmth and good chear this Holy season, and throughout the year.Wish your christmas be filled with peace and love. Merry X-mas

if one night you wake up and a big fat male is trying to put you in a sack please don't be afraid because i told santa all i want for christmas is you. HAPPY CHRISTMAS

New is the year, new are the hopes and the aspirations, new is the resolution, new are the spirits and forever my warm wishes are for u.Have a promising and fulfilling new year. HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Lets welcome the year which is fresh and new,Lets cherish each moment it beholds, Lets celebrate this blissful New year. Merry X-mas Lets welcome the year which is fresh and new,Lets cherish each moment it beholds, Lets celebrate this blissful New year. Merry X-mas

hope you have a wonderful christmas . have a great new year ! Hopefully santa will be extra good to you . enjoy your holidays ! HAPPY CHRISTMAS
May the good times and treasures of the present become the golden memories of tomorrow.Wish you lots of love, joy and happiness.


MERRY CHRISTMAS

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Outstanding Facts

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our nose and ears never stop growing..

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur in about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

Mona Lisa had no eyebrows.

When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone,never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf.

"I Am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."

Little Johny Again - Very Funny

Dear All,
Please enjoy the innocence & witifulness of Small kids........ ......... ......... ...

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.


The teacher called on James to start things off. James returned to his seat.
The teacher called on Ernie next.


Ernie returned to his seat. Now it was Suzy's turn.


Suzy returned to her seat.Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board


Jerry returned to his seat.Kim was called to the board.


Kim returned to her seat.
About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off center, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this pictur e dirty. So she cal led on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.


The entire class erupted with laughter.... the Teacher fainted.
Little Johnny had done it again.

Funny Jokes

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.


A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."


A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."


Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.


If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.


Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.


First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"


AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

What an angry wife capable of doing







take care guys!

Monday, December 22, 2008

For a Friend










Amazing Dog Trainer

Words Meaning

So long I never realize I don't know the real Meaning of family...... ....
Here Is The Answer ...........

FAMILY =
(F)ather
(A)nd
(M)other
(I)
(L)ove
(Y)ou

WHY does a man want to have a WIFE?
Because:
(W)ashing
(I)roning
(F)ood
(E)ntertainment

WHY does a woman want to have a HUSBAND?
Because:
(H)ousing
(U)nderstanding
(S)haring
(B)uying
(A)nd
(N)ever
(D)emanding

Do you know that a simple "HELLO" can be a sweet one?
Especially from your love one.
(I mean not only from the boyfriend/girlfrien.
The word HELLO means :
(H)ow are you?
(E)verything all right?
(L)ike to hear from you
(L)ove to see you soon!
(O)bviously, I miss you...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Important Info on Cancer

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY (TRY THE KEY WORD) AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHN HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10.Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like Nutrasweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water- best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor ssence,Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, un forgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

PLEASE READ
1.No plastic containers in micro.
2.No water bottles in freezer.
3.No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well. Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer.Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of! our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital was on a TV program to explain this health hazard.
He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This
especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of
the reasons.Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out .

How to make your neighbour angry

Military Jokes

Communication Breakdown...
The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."
The Army will put guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

"crap": Through the Eyes of the Military
An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15-lb. weapon in his hand, having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is 'crap'."
An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from a plane and jogged 18 miles, says with a smile, "This is good 'crap'."
A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp, and running 25 miles at night past enemy positions, says with a grin, "This is really great 'crap'."
A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back and weapons in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this 'crap'."
An Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air-conditioned, carpeted office in front of his computer and says, "My e-mail is out? What kind of "crap" is this?"

Jeep in the mud
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

A Boy Named Sue
A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"

Shave and a haircut
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Military Truisms
"Aim towards the Enemy." [Instruction printed on US rocket launcher]
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend. [From a US Field Manual]
Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Tracers work both ways.
Friendly fire isn't.
Five second fuses only last three seconds.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
If you can see the enemy, he can see you.
And never tell your Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Wonderful Thoughts







Nice Quiz

There is a very very tall coconut tree, and there are 4 animals:

King Kong, Ape, Orangutan and a monkey pass by.
They have a competition to see Who is the fastest to get the banana. Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality. Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer? Scroll down to see the analysis.


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If your answer is ....


Orangutan = You are sooo dull / stupid

Ape = You are Foolish

Monkey = You are an Idiot

King Kong = You are stupid

Why ?????

Coconut tree, doesn't have bananas ... ??? ...

It's obvious you're stressed by ur work.
Ha ha.......... .

Important Notice for health

-Reduce volume of tea intake
-Do not eat bread which has JUST been toasted
-Stay a distance from your charger
-Drink more water in the morning, less at night
-Do not drink coffee twice a day
-Reduce your volume of oily food
-Best sleeping time is from 10 at night to 6 at the morning
-Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm
-Do not take alcohol more than a cup daily
-Do not take capsules with cold water
-Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping
-Have 8 hours sleep. Lack of it will make a person stupid
-People who get used to napping will not get old easily
-If you can't get on early morning runs, 5-8 in the afternoon is a great time for jogging
-When battery left last grid, do not answer the phone. The radiation is 1000 times
-Answer the phone with your left ear. It'll spoil your brain directly if you use your right ear
-Do not use earphone for long time.
-Rest your ear a while after 1 hour

Facts - Places

Buckingham Palace has over six hundred rooms.

Central Park located in New York has 125 drinking fountains.

Cimetire du Pre Lachaise located in Paris is the most visited cemetery in the world. The cemetery opened in 1805 and has over one million people buried there, including rock star Jim Morrison.

Every year, an igloo hotel is built in Sweden that has the capacity to sleep 100 people.

Frank Wathernam was the last prisoner to leave Alcatraz prison on March 21, 1963.

From 1939 to 1942, there was a undersea post office in the Bahamas.

Hawaii's Mount Waialeale is the wettest place in the world - it rains throughout the year and about 460 inches per annum.

Ho-Ho-Kus, a small town in New Jersey, is the only town in the United States of America that has two dashes in its name.

Honolulu, Hawaii boasts the only royal palace in the United States of America.

In 1785, the city of Paris removed bones from cemeteries to ease the overflow of dead people. They took these bones and stacked them in tunnels now known as the Catacombs. You can visit these tunnel attractions and work your way along long corridors, which are stacked with skulls and bones.

In Czechoslovakia, there is a church that has a chandelier made out of human bones.

In Las Vegas, casinos do not have any clocks.

In Las Vegas, the busiest and two most popular days chosen for couples to get married are St. Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve.

Levan, which is located in Utah, got its name from "navel" which is levan spelt backwards. It was named this because it is in the center of Utah.

One of the steepest main streets in Canada is located in Saint John, New Brunswick. Over a distance of two blocks the street rises about 80 feet.

Tacoma Narrows Bridge which was located in Washington was nicknamed "Galloping Gertie" because of the unusual way it twisted and swayed with even with the slightest winds when people would drive on it. The bridge collapsed on November 7, 1940, fortunately no humans died, except for a dog.

The American Airlines Center in Dallas has more toilets per capita than any other sports and entertainment venue in the country

The Golden Gate Bridge was first opened in 1937.

The Great Wall stretches for about 4,500 miles across North China.

The Hollywood sign was first erected in 1923. It was first erected as "Hollywoodland."

The Library of Congress, located in Washington D.C., is the largest library in the world.

The Mall of America, located in Bloomington, Minnesota is so big that it can hold 24,336 school buses.

The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum which is located in Wisconsin has the biggest collection of prepared mustards. They have approximately 4,000 different jars and tubes from all over the world.

The North of Scotland's oldest inhabited castle is Dunvegan Castle on the Isle of Skye.

The Sears Tower consists of nine framed tubes, which connects nine skyscrapers as one building.

The Sears Tower in Chicago contains enough steel to build 50,000 automobiles.

The Sears Tower located in Chicago, Illinois is made up 76,000 tons of steel.

The average stay for a prisoner on Alcatraz, when it was used as a prison, was five years.

The city of Chicago has the only post office in the world where you can drive your car through.

The deepest cave in the world is the "Lamprechtsofen- Vogelshacht" cave which can be found in Salzburg, Austria. The cave is 5,354 feet deep.

The first ice hotel was built in Swedish Lapland.

The largest ketchup bottle in the world is a 170 feet tall and is located in Collinsville, Illinois, USA. It was built in 1949 by the W.E. Caldwell Company as a water tower.

The largest school in the world is City Montessori School in India and has over 25,000 students in grade levels ranging from kindergarten to college.

The largest wedding chapel in Las Vegas is the Viva Las Vegas Chapel, which can seat 100 people.

The most famous movie theatre is the "Chinese Theatre" located in Los Angeles, USA.

The most popular vacation destinations for Americans in 1956 was Niagara Falls.

The names of the two stone lions in front of the New York Public Library are Patience and Fortitude. They were named by then-mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.

The oldest inhabited house in Scotland is the Traquair Castle. The castle has had 27 kings as visitors.

The only flying saucer launch pad in the world is located in St. Paul, Alberta, Canada.

The steepest street in the world is Baldwin Street located in Dunedin, New Zealand. It has an incline of 38%.

The tallest freestanding sculpture in the world is Chief Crazy Horse in South Dakota, USA.

The term "the Big Apple" came into common usage in the 1930s when touring jazz musicians referred to a town or city as an apple, making New York the Big Apple.

The world's largest bullfighting ring is in Mexico City. The "Plaza de Toros" opened in 1946 and has a seating capacity of about fifty thousand people.

The world's only museum of Phallology is in Reykjavik, Iceland. Phallology is the the science of the penis.

The world's tallest roller coaster is located in England and reaches a peak height of 72 meters.

The worlds tallest free fall rollercoaster is The Giant Drop located in Australia. The drops is 120 meters which is equivalent to a 39 storey building.

There are places in Saskatchewan called Elbow, Eyebrow, and Drinkwater.

There is enough concrete in the Hoover Dam to pave a two lane highway from San Francisco to New York.

There was a post office on the Russian space station Mir. Visiting cosmonauts would use unique postal "markers" to stamp envelopes and other items as having flown aboard the Mir space station.

Tomatina is the legendary Spanish tomato-throwing festival held in Bunol, Spain.

Inspirational




Nice Words